Finding out WHO I AM

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Who am I ? what am I here for? These are questions everyone asks themselves. Identity is defined as the fact of being or what a person or thing is.  We all at one time or another look to search for identity. What is my purpose in the world? Why was I put here? One of the biggest accomplishments in your life is the moment you determine who you are and what your purpose is.

Unfortunately far too often we find our identity and things we have no reason to find our identity in. You could be that star college athlete who thinks about themselves in terms of the sport being the best at that sport. What happens then when you get injured and can no longer participate in said sport. The feeling of being lost can kick in, depression, and suddenly and unfortunately suicidal thoughts or tendencies can begin to take over. Others, unfortunately, don’t grow past the thought of one time being a star and find themselves living perpetually in their glory days. For me, wrestling helped me to find that sense of who I am. Going through the heartache of a loss, the euphoria of a win, and just the unnatural hurt of practice helped me to learn a lot about myself.  The fact that I kept coming back after every tough loss or disappointment helped me to learn a lot about myself. On a more primal level standing face to face against someone else and trying to enforce my will gave me the first real sense of I AM.

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Most men find their identities in their job. We become so wrapped up in a job it becomes who we are. There’s something happening such as a layoff, or budget cuts and we no longer can bring home the same amount of money or no longer use said job to determine who we are in this world. Any challenge to say position can cause us distress and to question our place in the world. When we moved back home after being gone for over a decade I left a great-paying job for another job making less. It was still a great paying job but for years I was just able to do almost whatever I wanted because hey I had the extra money. Coming home and finding out the cost of living was so much more and then not making as much as playing with my head a little bit. Instead of not worrying about things I had to now count my pockets and having to sometimes tell my wife or kids no was emasculating. I felt like I was less than others. It didn’t feel like I was Dr. Jordan but back to being Quis.

Some people even find their identity and political affiliation or religious beliefs. They become so enthralled and what their religious leaders are the political leaders say that anything to the contrary he said to them to the core. Any challenge to those views is deemed a personal attack and they must come out with all guns blazing. Oh, it’s a bad day if that leader is found out to be less than infallible. For me, the only comfortable thing I found is that the Bible says that I am a child of God and that he loves me. That’s not a lot of information to go on but the fact of knowing that you are loved by somebody, especially in bad situations or trials is very comforting. There have been times in my adult life when just knowing that someone loves me unconditionally for just being me got me through some bad times.

I know I struggle with identity. I’ve tried to reinvent myself many times to fit others’ ideas or views of me. If I wanted to impress a girl I would exaggerate some aspects of myself and hide other parts. Same with some of my friends in order to fit in I would conform when I was really out of place. I guess we all do those types of things to fit in with the group. The thing is you were not being true to yourself and that is the main person to whom you owe the truth. 

I found myself at times struggling in running a business to also find an identity. Trying to determine what Fearless Physical Therapy would be has caused me to change course a few times. At times there are pivots, twists, and turns. Just trying to find the voice, and the heart has at times been a trial.

I guess I don’t have the answer to how you find out who you are. People find their identity and different things I stated earlier they can find identity in what they do, and what others think of them. Others in what brings some joy in their lives.


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