Lose Yourself

Lose yourself

When a loved one becomes seriously ill or injured a family member or members may decide to take it upon themselves to help provide care. They feel that it is only right to support the loved one in their time of need. This can be a good thing for the patient if said family member(s) are equipped to provide the needed assistance.  In my time in the healthcare profession, I have seen numerous situations where the family tried to do what was best for the patient but in the end, it can sometimes turn out to be a bad situation for all parties involved. Either the patient does not get adequately taken care of or the caregiver ends up losing themselves to make sure that the needs of the family member are met. The situations that turn out well usually occur because of proper planning, resources, and a support system that is willing and able to provide assistance.

One of the first things that need to be done when deciding to care for a family member, is making sure that you can adequately meet the family member’s needs.  When patients come home from the hospital they may need someone to change them, clean them, or feed them.  If your family member is 220 pounds and you’re only 150 it can be difficult to move them around.  If the family member is at least able to assist with rolling and transfers this may not be an issue. When the patient is unable to assist with rolling or transfers grooming, transfers and toileting becomes a lot harder. 

Moving  250 pounds at the gym is a lot easier than trying to move your 150-pound grandfather who is unable to assist. Not only are you having to move the family member but you have to maintain them in that position for however long it takes to finish the task at hand. I’ve been in situations where I’ve had to hold someone on their side for what felt like an eternity while the nurse or CNA  provided cleaning or dressing. Ok, 10 -15 minutes is not an eternity but trying to keep some from falling while making sure they are not rolling over onto soiled linen for that length of time can wear you down multiple times throughout the day. A sole caregiver, especially one without any assistance, can start to develop physical issues such as back or shoulder pain or potential injury.

It is important if possible to have a team in place. Skilled care can come into your home but there are caveats. The patient’s insurance company dictates how many visits the patient will get if any. Some no matter the situation will offer up just 3-5. A patient who just had a severe stroke and still suffering from limitations may not get better in 3-5 visits. Also, a personal care assistant or sitter may not be readily available. These are not high-paying jobs and can be very stressful so turnover and a lack of staffing in some areas can be an issue. Even if your loved one does get an aide they may only be there for a couple of hours a day. If you have to go back to work and your family member is not able to adequately take care of themself or is a fall risk, you must have someone who can assist. If not you will find yourself worrying about your loved one at all times which will start to affect you physically and emotionally.

In my experience, finances can become a huge source of dissension in the family. I’ve seen some of the strongest individuals break down crying because a sibling, uncle, or aunt said that they would help take care of momma’s supplies. Then after weeks/months of inquiring and pleading the family member gives them $20 for momma. $20 won’t cover the skin cream, Depends, wound care supplies, and Ensure.  If the family decides to keep Home Health, after the insurance company says the visit limit has been reached then per discipline cost can exceed 200 dollars per visit. I had patient family members who went without their medicine or other necessities to cover the cost of care for the patient. There are resources available but most people do not know where to look. If possible please request a meeting with a social worker to learn about and how to get access to these resources. 

Understand, I am by no means telling you to not try to take care of your sick family member at home. Studies have shown that being around loved ones in a familiar environment can help with recovery. I watched my mother for over 10 years take care of my grandmother when she was paralyzed. In that situation I saw the effects of having a strong community to help and what happens when there are gaps in said community. In my experience as a PT, I saw people try to do it on their own, a strong community trying to help mama/daddy and what happens when the family dynamics are poor. It can make you stronger but if you don’t have a strong team you can lose your entire identity.